2.05.2010

Reflecting and Other Happy Things

Waaaaay back in December 2009 I read a New Year post by the lovely El over at Fresh New England. She was reflecting on things she'd learned over the last year. Reading through her list I felt alternately teary, affirmed and cheered. When I shared it with a couple of friends I was visiting with online, I had to chuckle because all three of us immediately printed out the list and propped it up on our desks. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at it over the past month and or two.

It's such a simple list, and maybe that's where the magic lies.

For me, being in a cult for seven years left deep scars and a mind chock full of false guilt, fear, and a habit of always thinking the worst of myself. Reading #1 on her list startled me:

1. Never, ever put yourself down. Ever. And don't let anyone else do it either.

I thought, "Can I really do that? Am I ALLOWED to do that?" Turns out I can, and I am. :-) I've spent the last while discovering the joy of being kind, gentle and patient with myself. The cult taught me that I should die to myself, crucify myself, suppress myself in favor of what my authorities told me was right and acceptable. They told me there was nothing good in me, credited others with any right I did do, and taught me to always look for ways to give up my rights and die to my dreams, hopes and expectations. They warned that any other behavior would result in me becoming prideful, self-centered and arrogant.

The opposite has happened.

I have never felt so gracious, loving and accepting of others. It has freed me up to see us as we ARE, in all our lovely frailty and strength, beauty and ugliness, wisdom and silliness. I'm no longer afraid or ashamed of myself. When I do something wrong or foolish, I don't berate myself or wallow in self-loathing, I simply acknowledge it, apologize if necessary, and press on with hope, joy and greater understanding.When someone praises me for something, I can now say THANK YOU with a free and happy heart instead of looking for ways to put myself down or deflect the praise to someone else. I can listen to the hopes and dreams of my dear ones and support them fully, even if I don't understand or agree, simply because we are all on a journey and have the right to try new things, make whopping mistakes, and putter along as best we can.

I hardly got past #1 when #2 popped up:

2. Every week, plan at least one activity that you'll look forward to.

I LOVE this! :-) I've always tried to do at least one happy thing a day, but I love the notion of PLANNING jolly things, giving myself something to anticipate, especially when times are rough.

I'm poor as a churchmouse these days, maybe worse :-), but that hasn't stopped me from planning at least one happy thing a week. Sometimes it's very, very simple (and cheap!): looking through old Victoria magazines, setting aside two hours to talk with a dear friend, or having a slumber party with my goddaughters and letting them plaster my face with make-up and tell me I'm "so beautiful, honey dear". :-)

Sometimes it's just Danish pastries on a Saturday morning while having coffee with my parents and grandies.


Or making scones slathered with lemon curd and piled with Devonshire cream and fresh berries for tea and a good ol' chin wag with a friend.


One day my friend Stacey and I decided we HAD to see snow (she was visiting from Texas, so this was important!). We got in my car and drove up into the mountains and it started snowing!! We cheered and hollered and got soaked and loved every minute of it.


This weekend I get to watch Foyle's War with my pals, Toby and Mike, have my goddaughters and their parents/my friends over for Sunday dinner, and watch the Super Bowl with friends at my folks' house. So much happiness in one little weekend. :-)

I'm sure El had no idea the impact her simple list would have, but it watered good changes in this girl's heart and brought much, much joy. :-)

So, dear ones, what happy thing are you going to do this weekend?

28 comments:

  1. Wonderful, freeing post. I'm glad you are doing so much better. Those pastries look so yummy as does the scone with the lemon curd.

    FlowerLady

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  2. Thank you, dear Flower Lady. :-) I love how little things can make life so beautiful. :-)

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  3. I loved this post chica! You always know the things to write to put a smile on my face. Life is definitely about appreciating the little things. The things without a price. Like spending time with family, etc.

    I hope you have an excellent weekend!

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  4. Thank you, dear Joanne! :-) I'm so looking forward to this weekend. Lovely times with family and friends, and all of Saturday to clean and organize to my heart's content. :-) I hope your weekend is fabulous too!

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  5. Love reading your ramblings! I am glad your doing better. Wish we could come for a visit! I love snow and can't wait to introduce William to the fun of snow.

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  6. Janny!!! I'm so happy to hear from you. :-) And very glad you like my ramblings. :-) Love and miss you so very much! I would LOVE to have you come! I'd take you to all my favorite haunts - ocean, mountains, snow, Canada. :-) Come! Come! :-)

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  7. You look absolutely joyous in photo of you in the snow! A gorgeous photo of you Krista! :D

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  8. Thank you so much, Lorraine! :-) It was a happy, happy moment, that's for sure :-)

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  9. I love absolutely every little thing about this post! Number one on "the list" is tremendously powerful -- it truly caused me to pause and consider its impact. So simple, so brilliant. I want my children to read this. And the fact that you share my love (erm ... obsession) with scones and lemon curd is simply fantastic. Hee hee! Oh, and I can barely manage to tell you this ... but when I recently moved, I actually gave away, and/or recycled piles and baskets of Victoria magazines dating back to the early 90s. Ouch! That hurts even me! Ah well, I know that you know just how freeing it is to lighten the load. Also? Loved the snow pic!
    Jacqueline xx

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  10. I'm totally going to try planning one happy event a week. It's so easy to get caught up in the daily grind. Thanks lady!

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  11. I like item number 2 most - I think it's really important to have things lined up that you are looking forward to. Not putting yourself down is great advice too.

    There is a Sunshine Award for you on my blog as you bring sunshine to my blog reading! x

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  12. I love having something to look forward to. Like reading your blog, for instance. Small things with a huge impact. :)

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  13. Hullo,Ola, Hola....u are an award winner more often than we know and this time there's a very different award for u ...jus from me....an award specially to fire up the imagination of creative writers in whateve which way....

    I had mine fired up a bit too in the company of fantastic writers like ya n now its ur turn to take off from my humble beginings...take ur time but fire anyway...hop on the link below to see what am talking about and do hope u enjoy it as muc as i did...beleive i wanted to run away from it first but when i began...was thrilled and had so much fun and was really glad for it.....


    http://vanillastrawberryspringfields.blogspot.com/2010/02/julia-child-omelettegrilled-shrimpy.html

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  14. What a lovely and important list! I am spending time with my husband. Even though we obviously live together, during the week its hard to spend much time together not working or exhausted! Hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

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  15. Rambling - Loved, loved, loved your post! How can someone so young be so wise! I'm in my fifties and still my 'life knowledge' pales in comparison to yours. But I am passing your lessons on to my two boys - 20 and 15.

    And I just have to tell you how much Amber and I enjoy your visits to Jewel Box Home. What a treat for us every time you stop by!

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  16. Jacqueline, you are such a luv! :-) I do so hope that we can meet one day for scones and tea - I would love that. :-) I can't believe you threw out your Victorias!!! Shock! Horror! :-) No, I know how important it is to lighten a load. Perhaps one day I will do the same, but for now they're stacked everywhere, inspiring me just by their presence. :-)

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  17. You are so welcome, Kristin! I'm very glad that you will have something lovely to look forward to every week! :-)

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  18. Oh, Sarah, thank you SO much! What a dear cheerer-upper you are! :-)

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  19. Thank you, dear Amuse! I'm so glad we found each other in this blog world. You never fail to delight me with your writings. :-)

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  20. Dear Vanilla, THANK YOU! I'm both appalled and honored, and now know why you wanted to run away from it! :-) You brave lady! I will give it some thought too. :-) Thank you, luv! :-)

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  21. What a beautiful way to spend your weekend, traveleatlove! Sounds just perfect. :-)

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  22. Dear Genevieve, I'm SO glad you like it! :-) I have so much learning to do, and figure if I tackle one at a time, hopefully these gorgeous lessons will sink in and become an intrinsic part of me. :-)

    I love visiting your site! :-)

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  23. You are a blessing to me..........#1 on that list is what I'm trying to do everyday......be gracious, yet deserving! God bless you, Krista!

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  24. Hi there honey,
    I do like this idea, it's so simple but effective. Mmm I like the one happy thing a day or week...yes please :)

    I love Foyles War!

    Beautiful day ...or evening,
    xoxo

    ps gosh I love the look of those pastries and scones :o

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  25. I'm so glad that you found it helpful. what I find helpful is looking at your incredible pastries and scones!

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  26. Thank you so very much, dear Oz. :-) I love getting to know you. :-)

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  27. Hi dear DJ! :-) I AM having a beautiful evening! Movie night with Mums now tucked up at home puttering away. :-)

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  28. I sure did, El! :-) And I'm so glad you like the baking! I can't take credit for the pastries - a lovely Danish bakery provided those - but I did make the scones! :-)

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