1.29.2010

To Life! Italian Style

I am so excited about this weekend! My aunt and uncle, Janet and Clint, are coming to visit from Canada and we have grand plans for delicious meals and girlie days and movies and popcorn and long walks and much visiting. :-)

It's been a doozy of a week. Pain has been my close companion. I have severe endometriosis and it's been giving me grief this week so I canceled everything and have been resting, resting, resting. Thankfully the pain is easing up now and my world is getting brighter again. :-)

It's actually been kind of lovely to step away from life for a bit, to huddle under a quilt, read books, write, or just look out the window and think. While this week may have wreaked havoc on my body, it's done wondrous things in my soul.

As I've been working through the aftermath of my youth spent in a religious cult, I noticed that I have kept a lot of stuff from those years. Books, music, movies, mementos, things that I used to create spots of beauty in that dark place, or allowed me to escape, if only for a brief moment, the traumatic situation I found myself in.  Some things I kept as "proof" of what happened, feeling I needed them to validate myself or my past. Others were trinkets I had kept from my abusers, oddly enough. I was so starved for their approval and affection, that I clung to any little scrap they tossed me. I have them all.

But this week I realized that I don't "need" them anymore. I don't need to keep evidences of false love, reminders of darkness, or even my feeble attempts to make a bit of heaven in the midst of hell. I don't need them because I have real love in my life now, I have healing and friendship and peace. I don't want those things cluttering up my physical or emotional life.

So last night, when my pain miraculously ebbed for a few hours (yay!!), I became a One Woman Clearing Machine!! I went through boxes and bookshelves and bins and sorted my little heart out. I filled box after box with books and movies, decorations and clothes, linens and, mercy, who knows what all! The "bad" stuff I tossed immediately - shuffling outside in the dark, in my slippers and pjs to the apartment dumpster because I didn't want them in my house one moment longer. :-) All the good things I'm going to take to a Woman's Shelter. I hope that they will bring comfort and solace to another hurting heart, and perhaps give her light in a dark place like they once did for me.

Afterward I eased myself down onto the couch, surveyed the stacks of boxes by my front door and had a little weep. Understanding, awareness, change, they're all good things, but they hurt like blazes along the way. Then I sighed and smiled and felt like a huge weight had been lifted. And golly, is my office ever clean! :-)

So dear ones, in the spirit of new beginnings and fresh starts, I thought I'd share some peaceful and oh-so-green pictures of the area around the Italian villa my friends and I stayed in last spring. I hope they delight your hearts as much as they do mine. :-)

Lane wending through the trees to an olive grove.

Battered and buckled old church door.

 Hazy look into the valley at Perdifumo, Italy.

 I could spend a happy hour sitting here. 

 I'm exceedingly fond of this door. And the little stone bench. 

 I dearly wanted to fix up this little place.

Sure would love to know the story behind this.

The wall, the path, I love it all. 

 Just because he's cute. :-)

Happy Weekend, dear ones!

32 comments:

  1. Getting rid of everything you did was amazing, brave and smart! Have a great weekend!

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  2. Thank you so much for your support, Amuse! :-) It's going to be a good weekend. :-)

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  3. Warm, healing vibes coming your way, you brave woman, you! How amazing that you uncluttered, and cleared and adiosed all that was keeping you stuck. Room to breathe! Thank you for sharing some of your past experience with us. It makes me love you even more! I'm so sorry to know that you've been clobbered by pain. Perhaps you can take some time, when it's at it's peak, to place your hands on your belly and focus your thoughts on all the loving people in your life, and bring their faces into "view". I stopped myself dead in my tracks in the restaurant kitchen last week when I burned my hand and did exactly that ... closed my eyes, held my hand, and drew that good lovin' where it needed to go ... and it took the edge off right away. xx

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  4. Oh Jaqueline, you've got me all teary and smiley at the same time. Thank you for your lovely, comforting, affirming words. I will take time for that today. :-) Biggest of hugs to you. :-)

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  5. Go you for purging yourself of all those things. I too am constantly tempted to keep reminders of my past no matter how sad they make me. Sometimes, though, we just have to let go. And actually physically doing so can definitely help to do it mentally. You are so strong for doing this!

    Those pictures from Italy are gorgeous!

    I hope you have fun with your aunt and uncle this weekend. It sounds like it will be an awesome time.

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  6. You are so right, Joanne! I feel the "letting go bliss" in my heart AND body.

    I'm so glad you like the pictures. :-)

    Yes! I think this weekend will be lovely. :-) These particular rellies make me laugh until I cry. I love that. :-)

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  7. So glad you are feeling better. Have a wonderful weekend. We're off to have a 3-yr-old birthday party for Daphne. She wants a green cake! :) Cuz of her green frog boots!

    Talk to you next week!

    Love ya, Trish

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  8. Ohhh, SO fun!!! :-) I know you are so excited to see her! :-) Have a marvelous time and I'll see YOU in two weeks! HOORAY! :-)

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  9. Wow, what gorgeous photos! I hope you feel better and enjoy your relaxing and decadent weekend!

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  10. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you cleared out of your home those things. It really does make a huge difference to let go of the past completely and be present in the life you have now. I know it must have been so hard, but you are obviously a strong woman. Well done honey.

    I just loved your photo's, they do the heart good to look at them.
    xoxo

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  11. Thank you, Travel! :-) I'm so glad you like them - I've so loved your travel photos this week. :-)

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  12. I thought of you when I posted them, Frugal - I just knew you'd like them. :-)

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  13. Oh, DJ - thank you so much for your hugs and support. It means a great deal to me. :-) Living in the present - that's my goal now, and it's getting easier and more second-nature to me all the time. :-)

    I'm so happy you like the pictures. :-)

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  14. What a wonderful idea getting rid of all of those things. I'm a firm believer in exorcising negative influences and reminders! Lovely photos too, how cute is the goat in the last pic! :D

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  15. Inspirational post! - Both the words and photos. I've only read about endometriosis briefly in the past, but it sounds like such a hardship - I admire your positive attitude about it all :) I've put your "But..." post in my bookmarks to read tomorrow.

    ps: That goat looks so friendly!

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  16. RT - Sorry it's been a difficult week for you. But glad that you had a little patch of "lightness"and catharsis. I've been by before but realized this p.m. I may not have properly thanked you for stopping by and leaving nice comments over a P.P. Your pictures are gorgeous - love the goat above too! Much good luck to you and hugs. You have great energy and great heart and a wonderful embrace of life. It's served you well. You go!

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  17. Wow what a post to stumble onto! I am so proud of you, and love that this blog is about reaching for comfort and goodness and soul!

    I am in Italy right now (but from WA); isn't it just poetic?

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  18. Oh, you poor baby..I'm so sorry you had to endure that pain, but so glad you're off to a frehs start and those Italian villa photos are spectacular. I almost feel like I'm there. OH, the Nigerian Stew below (killing 2 entries with one stone) looks amazing! Thanks so much for the sweet commenton my limey bars :)

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  19. I still have the handbook that "they" gave us, it's a reminder to me to never be a lemming again and it's kind of funny (now).

    When we are gray, not old just gray, we should retire to Italy, fix up that marvelous stone house, and grow wine.

    Love ya girl!

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  20. I raise my glass to you for new beginnings.

    The photos were peaceful and serene. Seriously, it makes you want to break out a fresh loaf of bread, cheese and a bottle of wine.

    Take care.
    Velva

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  21. You are so right, Lorraine! It's been tremendously freeing. I love the goat too :-)

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  22. Thank you, Erika. I'm SO glad you stopped by. :-) The goat is so darling, isn't he? :-)

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  23. Dear Paradis - thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, and for the hug. :-) You cheered my heart.

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  24. Dear Janelle - oh, how happy I am you stumbled in here. :-) I love that you're in Italy with your family and am looking forward to more reports of your adventures. Thank you for your lovely words of support.

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  25. Lisa - I HAD to comment on your limey bars - they are amazing. :-) Thank you for being so encouraging :-)

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  26. That's right, Tabby, we will NEVER be lemmings again. :-)

    Retire to Italy, capture the villa as our own and make wine??!!! YES! YES! YES! Let's take Trish too, and any other lovely strays we can find. :-)

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  27. Cheers to you, dear Velva! :-) Yes! Bread, cheese and wine would be just perfect! :-)

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  28. Take care and hope everything gets better! Lovely pictures of Italy.

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  29. Thank you, dear Ellie. :-) I'm resting up beautifully and enjoying a very foggy day tucked up at home. :-)

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  30. May you continue to heal. Getting rid of past reminders sounds like a good thing. Your photographs are lovely. I'm always drawn to old doors, these are fabulous. They have so much character! Love that cute little goat too!!

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  31. Thank you very much, Ungourmet! :-) I'm so happy you like the photos! :-)

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